Introductions...

       I guess everyone should have a general understanding as to why this blog needs to happen on my part. I am 25 and a half years old. I have an amazing, fantastic husband who I married just 8 short months ago. I have a supportive family who dreams big for me and loves me very much. I am going to school to be a wedding and event planner and hope to start my own company very soon. I have big dreams for my future. There is just one thing standing in my way. Myself.
       I have been overweight most of my life. I didn't really listen to advice from others when I was younger and didn't realize I was expanding daily until middle school. I look back at pictures of myself and remember hearing people tell me how pretty I looked, even though I had a weight problem starting as a young child. I know that I have never believed them, and I will never believe anyone's compliments until I can compliment myself.
       For what seemed like five minutes, I did lose weight and feel happy. Much like my friend Kady, it was when I was a Senior in high school. I met my husband then and we fell in love so fast it would make some outsider's heads spin. After high school, I don't really know what happened to change me back to someone who gains weight daily, but I changed. Whether through depression, stress, lack of self control, or just general laziness, I have gained almost 100 lbs. since then. As embarrassing as that is to put out into the world to be publicly known, I know that if anyone knew me then and knows me now, he/she can SEE those 100 lbs., so why try to hide it? Putting the truth out there just makes me That much more accountable. I am going to lose those 100 lbs. and more, to be healthy, to love myself, and to be able to act my age. That is where the lean body part of my blog lies.
       My husband reminds me daily how much he loves me. He makes me feel like he truly believes I am beautiful. Unfortunately, I will not allow myself to believe his opinion. I know that I am loved, but I don't love myself. How can I listen to someone else tell me I'm pretty when I genuinely believe I am not? My husband is much healthier than I am. He is a runner. I watch him suit up in his sexy running clothes, his fancy running shoes,  grab a gatorade and take off for a run. I see this and feel resentment. Why can he run and I can't bring myself to leave the couch? I know that running is hard, and many extremely fit people can't do it, but this activity is going to become a part of my life. I am going to use running as one of the forms of exercise to change myself, not just for me, but so he and I have one more thing to bond over. That's where the clean run comes in.
        This blog is going to document my journey to change this pattern in my life. This pattern of hating who I am and wishing and planning to change it, then never doing anything about it. I find myself staring at healthy women with an almost drooling sense of adoration. Not because I am attracted to them, but because I look at these "lucky" girls who I see as so beautiful and dream of being one of them. This is where the dream focus comes from. I want to be a typical 25 year old woman. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to love myself.  I want to wake up everyday and not wonder if my weight has caused diabetes, or heart disease or stroke. I want to know that I will be around for my husband, my future children, and my family. This is my dream. Now it is time to fulfill it.
        As embarrassing as all this can seem for me, knowing that anyone can read this information, I know that I will feel better later when I have set myself on the right path. I know that being healthy is a life long journey. I know that I need to be ready to change my life, forever. So to start that out, I will say that I currently weigh 260.3 lbs. There's no way for me to sugar coat that. It's terrible. I would like to weigh 155 lbs. This has been my dream weight since middle school. Currently, I can only run for about 3 minutes, very slow, not even one lap around a track. I want to be able to run a 5K. That's three miles. If my husband can do it, so can I.
      It's not too much to ask of myself to change. I just have to do it. I am going to start by changing my eating habits and building up my run time. Eating less and moving more. I will post weekly to update my weight, run time, and how I am going about making changes. I have already decided to keep my weight posted as my background on my phone, so I see it all the time for quick motivation. Whether the steps be small or large, I will post them on here.
       I hope you enjoy my journey of hardships, pain, and eventual success. After a quarter century of dulling my life with self hate, I've finally decided to become happy with myself and see what life can really be like when I love "me".