Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

      Well, it's been almost a month since my last post. Sorry for yet another hiatus, but everyone will be happy to know that this time I have learned my lesson for good. I have discovered that I need to post weekly in order to achieve my goal. I have lost no weight since my last entry, which definitely does not fit in with my ultimate goal, and certainly does not push me to achieve my six month goal either. I realized that I do so much better knowing that I have to be held accountable weekly by my blog entries, so that should help me be more reliable in all areas.

      The week after my last entry, I lost down to 252lbs. I was floating on cloud nine! The next week I had an awful week at work, followed by a week of stomach illness. I allowed my stress and anger and illness to become a food weakness, and I resorted to comfort foods. My number one comfort food is...French Fries! I gained back the three pounds I had lost, effectively reversing all the effort I put into losing that weight. And what did I find on the other side of that gain? A general lack of want to do anything, an almost animalistic craving for foods that I don't need at times when I don't feel hungry, and having to acknowledge that I had done so poorly for my body that I was swelling up to look larger than I did before I started my journey! I plunged myself right back down the rabbit hole to depression, and didn't realize it until it was too late!

     I found myself sitting on my couch stressed over how I had let my life go and wondering what could possibly cause me to always go back to square one. I thought long and hard. I know that I know what I need to do to better my life and myself in general. I even have motivation to do the things necessary to realize my happiness. So, what could be standing in my way? Then it hit me, the one thing that I cannot get rid of, and must learn to overcome. Myself. I know that realization can be seen in one of both ways, either, "DUH!" or "That's just being mean to yourself." Well, in my opinion, it's both. I should have known all along that the problem starts with me, and I may have known this, but it took me actually taking the time to think about how I have been given so many tools and so many chances and get the same result, to finally convince myself it must be me that needs to be fixed! I also thought, well if it's me, then how am I supposed to ever change? I will always be myself right? I figured out that the only way to get around the part of myself that stops me from getting where I want to go, is to let the part that knows what to do take over. I have so far to go to get to being the person I want to be, but now I at least know what I must do to become that person.

     Seeing myself with two sides might make me sound a little schizo, but doesn't the world see everything that way? I mean look at good vs. evil. I need to get rid of the fat little version of me sitting on my right shoulder, dressed up in red with a little knife and pitchfork in her hands like in the cartoons, and let the healthy happy "angelic" version of me, who is thin and wearing running shoes, on my left shoulder, take over. It sounds kinda crazy, I know, but it's a visual of the battle I am fighting with myself every second, every minute, every day, all the time!

     It's So hard not to be down on myself all the time, knowing that I have been in my own way, but then I remember that being down on myself is just another way of hurting myself. It's time to flip the Stacey coin. I do not need to imagine that I can blab wonderful scenarios of my weight loss, and then expect it to happen as I sit on the couch making excuses not to exercise and to eat bad foods instead. I do not need to think that the world is going to give me anything just because that's what I expect to happen. It doesn't work that way.

      I've started trying to manipulate myself to change. I have been trying So hard to do what I need to do, and it's like the bad side of me is fighting for her life! Yesterday after work, my knee started hurting again. Obviously I hadn't been running in a while, so why, on the day that I had actually decided to do some sort of exercise, did my knee start hurting? Coincidence? Probably not. I didn't let my self doubt win though. I had the equipment (knee brace and shoes) to go for a run, so why not go with Kris when he offered? It was impulse really that did it for me. I completely intended to back out, but at the last minute I suited up, and walked out the door. I ran exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds. I couldn't continue after that, so I decided to walk for half an hour while Kris finished his run. It was a small victory for me, but a victory nonetheless. My knee has been hurting me off and on all day today. I know that it's just a lack of fitness in my leg muscles and nothing I need to truly worry over, but it's like the bad side of me is nagging, "See? When you run, it hurts, so why run?" My mission is to fight her, even if she is me.  I will try to see, within reason, if fighting through my pain is the best way to eradicate her from my life altogether! A, sort of, killing her off and letting my strength win. I know that I will do this for myself, so I can finally live my life like I should!

     Sorry for the crazy entry this week, I know I probably sound completely mad at this point, but I'm done doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, and I will not be doing the same anymore, I am changing it all this time. If any of you read my buddy Kady's blog, you'll know that she recently used the song I'm using this week. At the risk of copying her (again ;) jk) I am putting the song "Some Nights" by Fun. in my blog this week, because it's amazing, it's uplifting, it gets me going, and because of the lyric, "This is it boys this is war, what are we waiting for? Why don't we break the rules already?" I am breaking out of my mold, I will be my exception, not my rule, from now on, so this fits perfectly, because it will definitely be a war! Listen to this song here, also note that I have chosen a cover video, because it's beautiful, like the original, but I really like this version too.
   
     I've also chosen my motivational picture for the month, it says it all for me really.

   

210,000 Calories!!!

     Time for another update! Today I went back and read my entire collection of previous blog posts. After realizing it's been almost six months since I started I kinda flipped out for a bit. More on that later. While reading, I did see that I deleted the post with my "before" pictures in it, I also deleted those pictures from my computer so I had to take new ones, in my cleaning clothes, with my hair in a clippy, and no make up, but hey it's what I look like right now, so here's the "before" shots.

WELL, now you can see that there is work to be done!!!

     Being that today is my day off, I have been cleaning. I like to turn on a show on netflix while I clean to keep me company and today I discovered the show Heavy. I'm a typical overweight person in that watching shows like Heavy and Biggest Loser, etc. motivates me to do something about my weight issues, but I am also the kind of person who finds myself in denial about just how obese I am. I look at the people on those shows and think, "Hey, he weighs 400+lbs., she weighs 350+lbs., I'm not THAT bad off," but today I was given a quick slap in the face. One of the women on the episode of Heavy that I was listening to weighed 254.6lbs. as her STARTING weight! Mind you all that I STARTED at 260lbs. and weighed 257.6lbs. last week! Adding another jab was the fact that she is 26 years old! I turn 26 in 5 days! The final straw was when I saw that she was borderline diabetic upon entering her program and didn't even know it. It was like the weight loss "gods" were yelling at me, "HELLO Stacey! Wake UP!" 

    

      Now, I know that the weight the people lose on those shows is lost in an extreme and controlled environment, one where people prepare your food for you and there is almost always some over excited yelling trainer running around behind you for hours a day screaming questions like, "Do you want to die!?" I know that if I were to be put in that situation, I would probably lose weight just as quickly as those people, because I respond well to boundaries, but I'm not looking for a place to go (for lack of a better term) hide while I shed the lbs., I'm looking for a healthy life! So, I know that looking at the weight these people lose and in the time they do it in is just a bit unrealistic for me, but I DO see motivation in their accomplishments. The woman I had so much in common with did go on to lose 88lbs. in six months. This also came as a slap, for I have been blogging for six months and haven't even lost 10lbs! To be continued...

     This past week I have been given the great honor of being asked to be the Matron of Honor for my best friend's wedding. I'm SO excited! I look back at my own wedding pictures and see her standing next to me as my Maid of Honor and want her day to be just as great as mine was! But, there's something else I see in those pictures. I see myself in a size 24 wedding dress. Talk about embarrassing. I don't want to be in a size 24 bridesmaid's dress for her wedding. I want to look great, not just for her, but for myself. I want to see pictures of myself at her wedding and not wish that I had not been in them. Did I mention that her wedding is in SIX months? Starting to see a correlation here?

     I know that I can't lose 88lbs. in six months like the woman from the show, I would be afraid to, I would be afraid it was too fast and that I would just gain it all back. Having said that, if I were to lose 88lbs. before my friend's wedding, I'd be thrilled. However, I've decided to set a different goal, a seemingly more reachable goal for myself. I am going to lose 60lbs. by March 23, 2013. I've already reformulated my MyFitnessPal.com settings to include 4 days a week of 30min. or more of exercise. If I burn 1,120 calories a week in exercise and stay below 1,590cal/day in food intake (which has gone down from 1,630cal/day due to having lost weight), and drink my 64oz. of water/day, I will lose 2lbs./week. While it's still 28 weeks away, and that would be only 56lbs. lost, I WILL make the other four happen along the way as well, and I will weigh 195.1lbs. I KNOW I can do it. I want to look great and have that as a milestone on the road to losing to my goal of 155lbs. 

     So, now for the actual weight update. I have lost 2.5lbs. since my last entry! I now weigh 255.1lbs! This is a happy moment because I now know, I have exactly 100lbs. to lose to reach my goal, and while that's HUGE, from now on if any weight is lost, I will have less than 100lbs. to go, and that is fun to say. 

     

     My mission for the day is to go to the gym and learn to use the elliptical in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm turning my brain into a freshly shaken cocktail. I got a new water bottle in a fun purple color to take with me, and I've already drank three cups of water because it's just so much fun to use. Sometimes having tools to make the unfun stuff fun really does help! ;) So, until next week, here's the song that will be running through my head as I attempt my elliptical feat (if you're offended by men in speedos, do not watch, just listen, lol). Also, keep it coming with the comments and encouragement, it super duper helps if I know people care! ☆☆☆☆☆

P.S.- 210,000 Calories is the number of calories I will have to use up to lose 60lbs. ;)

Miss Me?

     Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Things have been hectic, but, unlike last time I let life get too overwhelming to take the time to post about my weight loss efforts, I haven't been letting myself go totally off the deep end during my posting absence. Now that Summer is coming to a close and the family visits and visits to family will be slowing down due to school schedules etc., I feel it's time to update on what I've been up to and how I've been doing.

     I have discovered that while around family, it's easy to let oneself become enamored with what I like to call comfort foods. Foods that, when the comfort of more family being around than just your spouse, come out of the woodworks as remembered favorites are typical culprits of comfort foods. The problem with these comfort foods is that they are typically not very good for you at all. With the added calorie possibilities of comfort foods also comes what I like to refer to as vacation mode. People say, "Hey, I'm on vacation, I can indulge on vacation." Well, when family lives four hours away, seeing them is like a mini vacation, and then there's the comfort foods, which leads to "indulging a bit" on things like potato skins. As you can probably assume, I have not lost any weight the past few weeks. I did not gain any weight either, which is a MAJOR accomplishment for me, as gaining weight is my Olympic Gold sport. The only real reason I feel I may have maintained is that there were a few days break between family visits and I was able to do better on those days. 

   

     I have decided two big rules for family time from now on. RULE 1: Be the example. (This means that I should eat better so my family sees it and might mimic my healthy habits.) and RULE 2: Being healthy is portable. (Meaning that I can watch what I eat and exercise no matter where I am.) These rules might be a bit elementary, but for someone who loves to go into vacation mode and has a weakness for eating Taco Bell with her Dad and little brother, these rules are necessary. 

    As far as my exercise efforts have gone, well, it's a sad tale to tell as well. I decided that I would run again last time I posted, but changed my mind quickly when my 4 minute fast-paced warmup walk made my bummed knee start twingeing. I did manage to make a few trips down the river in the past few weeks, which may not seem like exercise, but after going down three waterfalls and swimming across the rapid current and fighting my way up the side of the steep river rocks to climb out to safety a few times, I have decided it's a bit of a work out. I also discovered that I LOVE the game Just Dance. I knew that I loved it already, but now that I have played it alone, in my work out clothes, with no breaks between songs except for the occasional water gulp, I know that it's an AWESOME workout! I sweat more dancing and laughing at myself than I ever remember doing when running, and I could dance for SO much longer! If I ever get the chance, I will be purchasing that game and all it's game friends, for it is definitely a winner, even if just as cross training for my running. I do need to get back to my running though, it's healthy, it's sustainable through life (even when the electricity is out), it can be done almost anywhere, and once I can run far enough, it's something I can do with Kris. 

     Thanks for tagging along after so much time since my last post. Hopefully with the roller coaster that is life possibly leveling off a bit for a while, I'll be able to be more consistent with my writing. The fun song of the week is a video of my favorite just dance song, "Iko Iko", this will show you the moves you have to follow, and it's fun! Watch it here.

This Could Be Working.

     Since last week I've done an okay job at keeping up with my intake on calories and staying below my goal. My "MyFitnessPal" page only shows a 3lbs. weight loss, but I have lost a total of 10lbs. since July 10th! This leads me to believe that the plan I am using is working. Three weeks into restarting my journey I have lost TEN never again to be seen pounds and four of those I lost in the past week. While I am absolutely aloud to be proud of my big loss so far, I do have to agree with MyFitnessPal and say that I have only lost a "Net" of 3lbs. since I began my changing process. So, I will only count that three towards my goal. The other seven never should have existed in the first place, and while I am happy that they are gone, I do not want to count that as part of my official loss. So, in short, I've lost 3lbs. since I started at 260.3lbs. Hello 250's!!!
   
     This loss does come with some realizations about my food habits. I now know that I used to eat almost three times the amount of calories I'm supposed to eat in a day in just one meal from a fast food restaurant. I will miss my little nugget friends, but they are not at the top of the menu list anymore. I also know that not all fast food is bad for me. This past week I was so happy that I was actually able to eat a "Whopper" of a burger and while I had a side salad in place of my usual fries, I did not feel cheated out of my fast food fix. I also have been warned by the MyFitnessPal website that if I am too strict with my intake, I might eat too little in calories and slow my weight loss due to "starvation mode". I actually had a day where I was logging my food for the day before bed and the website "yelled" at me in BIG RED LETTERS that I had not eaten enough calories that day. I thought, "Wait, ME? I have been not eating enough?" I didn't even feel hungry! Needless to say, I have been keeping better watch on my calories in both directions now, both too many and not enough. I don't want to risk lowering my metabolism any lower than it is already, so here's to a happy medium.

     One of the many weight loss tools I have been utilizing is the "give yourself a cheat meal," rule. I have found this in many different weight loss advice plans and thought it would be helpful for me in my fledgling state of healthful eating. The problem I have with this rule is that Kris and I chose to do the "cheat day" on different days. Being that we are the only two in the house, this posed a problem. My cheat day became my cheat weekend. This is honestly why I feel so surprised by the fact that I still lost weight. I didn't keep up with calories in the correct way for TWO days! Not to say that I just lost my mind and ate everything in sight, but I didn't exactly acknowledge everything that I put in my mouth. Now Kris and I will be doing our cheat time together. I'm even hoping to, very soon, not need to cheat at all. With all that I'm learning I can still eat, I may not have the desire to eat things that would be considered a cheat anymore.

     You may be wondering why I haven't mentioned running yet. I mean the name of the blog includes the words, "Clean Run," after all. Well, to make a long story short, I have an old injury from a high school ski trip where I tore my MCL (inner knee ligament), and I aggravated my knee a few weeks ago whilst tubing the river with Kris and his parents. In an attempt to be able to regain my fitness in a healthy way, I decided to make sure my knee was back to normal before running again. It's been almost a week pain free, so I don't think any real damage was done when I tweaked it. As a result, I haven't been running yet, but I plan on restarting my "learning to run" routine this week. I admit, I'm a bit intimidated, but, having attempted running before and going as far as I could then, tells me that I can do it and can keep getting better. So, I will report on running again next week.

    It's been tough to see the good side of myself lately. I am proud of myself that I can control my eating, but there is SO much more to this journey than just losing weight. I want everyone to know that I listen to advice and try to implement it to see if it helps. In taking advice from a dear friend, this week I tried to wake up everyday and make myself feel like I had a purpose that day. I had to wash the clothes. I had to work on school work. I had to be ready to go to the river with Kris. I think it's helping. I can see a glow around my life that I have let get really dim start to shine again.  So, to anyone reading this blog, thanks for your support. Advice and praise are ALWAYS welcome, but just knowing someone cares enough to read really helps. I don't know how many have or will read it, but I know that I owe it to myself to make sure that I give you something interesting to read about. That makes you all a source of inspiration for me. I also thank God and myself everyday for all that I can do. I'd be nowhere without those two. ;)
In light of my cheesy closing, here's an amazing song to listen to by Alanis Morrisette that really picks me up and seems to fit in with my state of mind.

Here We Go Again...

I'm back! Everyone who has read my blog before deserves a bit of an explanation. As can be seen, I have left the first two posts from when I began my "weight loss blog" and then deleted the measly two that I wrote after that. I haven't "blogged" since April 20th!! I can give MANY excuses, I have a LONG list, but recently I discovered that all of my reasons for taking a break from my blog are the same reasons I have been avoiding making the effort to lose weight and change my whole life! To put the long story short I will say that I had some stresses in my life that I felt warranted a break from the blog scene until I was 100% dedicated to writing when I was "supposed to" and 100% dedicated to putting in the effort to have things to write about. What did I get as a result of waiting until I was "less stressed"? I GAINED WEIGHT!

         As I sat the other day unpacking in our new apartment I realized that I am always going to have an excuse to do the easy thing, which, in this case, is not doing anything to lose weight or like myself. I then read another wonderful entry from Kady's blog and saw that she too had some undue stresses in her life, and was losing weight and still blogging. I had that ever wonderful AHA! moment and decided that I would start putting the effort in again, for my life would ALWAYS be stressful. (Please forgive the ALL CAPS excited words of emphasis, I'm not yelling, just making my point. ;x) Since my marriage has been so awesome and Kris has gotten me through so much, I decided to talk to my wonderful husband about my revelation.

       May I remind the world that Kris is a runner. He, at the time, was participating in a run streak from memorial day to independence day (which he Totally completed because he is amazing!). He told me that he would like to start eating healthier too and had been using the MyFitnessPal website and app on his phone. We had an extensive discussion on what foods we both deem are healthy and how we should go about making sure that we can both be happy with our food choices. In the end, my partner in crime has really helped me get back on track, just by being there as someone whom I can subconsciously (and sometimes openly) compete against in beating our calorie goals. As a result, I have been keeping up with my calorie intake again on MyFitnessPal.com since July 10th and have lost 6.1 lbs!!! Since I had gained weight, that's still not any official loss from my original weight at the beginning of my journey, but I've only got 1.3lbs. until I'm going into an actual weight loss from 260.3!

      I feel like I'm in a much better place in my life as well. I know that it will still take a lot of time for me to look in the mirror and actually appreciate what I see again, but I know that I will. I have been trying to find small things about myself to love everyday, whether they be about my physical self, my personality, or my life in general. I am in a good place with school, I love our new apartment, and while I still miss my family and friends all the time, I actually am learning to love living in what seems like our own little private part of Texas, which is a big deal for me. I think I'm moving away from being someone who was clearly depressed and saw sadness in almost every part of her life into a more peaceful state of mind. Yes, I have SO much stress and so many things I still have to fix that if I named it all it would make my (and your) head spin, but I am learning to handle it and still see the good side.

     So here's to beginning again. I know that I can see the stresses in my life piling up on a list that seems etched into the back of my eyelids, but I know that ignoring the fact that stress will always be there, just like needing to eat better and be more active and love myself more will always be there, will get me no where. I guess that's all part of growing up. Which is maybe the scariest part of all!


P.S.- My bud Kady always reveals her jogging song for the week, and as I have not officially begun running again (due to a goofy river tubing knee injury) I can't participate in this idea, but a song accompanies this entry none the less, so give Animals by Neon Trees a listen, here, because it totally fits my mood right now.

Introductions...

       I guess everyone should have a general understanding as to why this blog needs to happen on my part. I am 25 and a half years old. I have an amazing, fantastic husband who I married just 8 short months ago. I have a supportive family who dreams big for me and loves me very much. I am going to school to be a wedding and event planner and hope to start my own company very soon. I have big dreams for my future. There is just one thing standing in my way. Myself.
       I have been overweight most of my life. I didn't really listen to advice from others when I was younger and didn't realize I was expanding daily until middle school. I look back at pictures of myself and remember hearing people tell me how pretty I looked, even though I had a weight problem starting as a young child. I know that I have never believed them, and I will never believe anyone's compliments until I can compliment myself.
       For what seemed like five minutes, I did lose weight and feel happy. Much like my friend Kady, it was when I was a Senior in high school. I met my husband then and we fell in love so fast it would make some outsider's heads spin. After high school, I don't really know what happened to change me back to someone who gains weight daily, but I changed. Whether through depression, stress, lack of self control, or just general laziness, I have gained almost 100 lbs. since then. As embarrassing as that is to put out into the world to be publicly known, I know that if anyone knew me then and knows me now, he/she can SEE those 100 lbs., so why try to hide it? Putting the truth out there just makes me That much more accountable. I am going to lose those 100 lbs. and more, to be healthy, to love myself, and to be able to act my age. That is where the lean body part of my blog lies.
       My husband reminds me daily how much he loves me. He makes me feel like he truly believes I am beautiful. Unfortunately, I will not allow myself to believe his opinion. I know that I am loved, but I don't love myself. How can I listen to someone else tell me I'm pretty when I genuinely believe I am not? My husband is much healthier than I am. He is a runner. I watch him suit up in his sexy running clothes, his fancy running shoes,  grab a gatorade and take off for a run. I see this and feel resentment. Why can he run and I can't bring myself to leave the couch? I know that running is hard, and many extremely fit people can't do it, but this activity is going to become a part of my life. I am going to use running as one of the forms of exercise to change myself, not just for me, but so he and I have one more thing to bond over. That's where the clean run comes in.
        This blog is going to document my journey to change this pattern in my life. This pattern of hating who I am and wishing and planning to change it, then never doing anything about it. I find myself staring at healthy women with an almost drooling sense of adoration. Not because I am attracted to them, but because I look at these "lucky" girls who I see as so beautiful and dream of being one of them. This is where the dream focus comes from. I want to be a typical 25 year old woman. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to love myself.  I want to wake up everyday and not wonder if my weight has caused diabetes, or heart disease or stroke. I want to know that I will be around for my husband, my future children, and my family. This is my dream. Now it is time to fulfill it.
        As embarrassing as all this can seem for me, knowing that anyone can read this information, I know that I will feel better later when I have set myself on the right path. I know that being healthy is a life long journey. I know that I need to be ready to change my life, forever. So to start that out, I will say that I currently weigh 260.3 lbs. There's no way for me to sugar coat that. It's terrible. I would like to weigh 155 lbs. This has been my dream weight since middle school. Currently, I can only run for about 3 minutes, very slow, not even one lap around a track. I want to be able to run a 5K. That's three miles. If my husband can do it, so can I.
      It's not too much to ask of myself to change. I just have to do it. I am going to start by changing my eating habits and building up my run time. Eating less and moving more. I will post weekly to update my weight, run time, and how I am going about making changes. I have already decided to keep my weight posted as my background on my phone, so I see it all the time for quick motivation. Whether the steps be small or large, I will post them on here.
       I hope you enjoy my journey of hardships, pain, and eventual success. After a quarter century of dulling my life with self hate, I've finally decided to become happy with myself and see what life can really be like when I love "me".

Don't Blink, You Might Miss Me.

      I have had this blog for a LONG time now, it has seen MANY renovations and restarts over that time, and as of late I had all but given up on using this source as a resource to express myself and what I am going to go through. That all changed in a moment. Here's how.
      The story actually starts about 7 years ago, just before I graduated high school. I met someone who made me feel like there were just genuinely awesome people in the world (other than my perfect boyfriend/eventual husband), and it was what I would consider friendship at introduction. This person is my friend, Kady Sanchez. I barely knew her and already felt like I had met one of the best people I'd ever meet in my life. I found myself thinking that she and I had SO much in common, but what I soon realized was that I found in her the things I only wished I could see in myself. We have maintained a long distance type friendship over the past 7 years and she even drove across the state to come to my and my husband's wedding! I look at Kady as a role model (even if we are the same age),a source of inspiration to be a better me, and she has just recently inspired me again.
      This is where my blog change idea comes in. Kady just started a new blog that totally threw me for a loop and told me it's time to get up off of my butt and get going. Kady's blog, "Here Today & Gone Tomorrow", is about her personal journey to lose weight and build up her self love, esteem, and confidence. I read her first entry and found myself in tears. I realized that she and I have something huge in common, something that I never thought she would ever have a problem with at all. We both don't really like ourselves. She calls her dislike "self-loathing," and I know exactly what she means. I look at her and think, how could she be feeling what I feel every day? How could this person who brings such joy to my life, when all I did was read her facebook status for the day, possibly feel a small amount of the negativity towards herself that I feel every minute? Then for me to continue reading her posts and see that not only do we have the dislike for ourselves in common, but we also have the same downfalls when it comes to change, it tells me one thing. If Kady, being as awesome as she is from what I see, can feel on the inside how I feel about myself and find a way to bring herself to change it all, so can I.
         So there it is. The reason for what will be a sudden influx of activity on this old blog. I hope Kady doesn't mind me using part of her story, (Kady if you read this and don't like it, please tell me, I will take it down yesterday.), and her blog idea as motivation to change myself. I read her entries and find myself inspired, motivated, and empowered.
        If me reading her blog helps me change, then maybe if someone reads my blog they will be inspired too. So here goes nothing and everything all at once. I know it will be hard. I know I will want to quit. I know that I will probably have times where I pretend not to care, but I will not back down this time. I will be accountable now, because I know that out there there is someone who I think is absolutely awesome going through the same struggles as me.


Everyone should read Kady's blog:

http://kadyisleaving.blogspot.com/2012/02/introduction.html